Work sucks. You know it, that’s why you’ve used all your vacations days already. But don’t worry, you can always use the sick day. Here are some ways to fool your boss and take a bonus day.
The Sick Voice
We have all done it, because its a classic move. You just cant call your boss in your normal voice and say your sick. You need to sound like you’ve been coughing up something nasty all night instead of sleeping.
Have Some Help
Sometimes you cant do the sick voice. Whatever the reason, have your girlfriend, boyfriend, or whoever make the call for you – they wont even have to put on a pained sick voice.
The Long Story
This is great because it completely skips the issue of what your voice sounds like, so instead just write out a long email. Your boss is busy, especially with you, the one who does all the work, out of the office. Most likely, once they see how long your explanation is, they’ll just delete it and move on with their day.
Make Your Boss Feel Bad
This is a great angle to play. Make sure to remind your boss of all the long hours you’ve been putting in, and how sooner or later it was going to wear you down.
Concern For Your Coworkers
Another way to make yourself look great, even on a sick day, is to play up how, if it were up to you, you’d be at work already but it’s just that you dont want to get your coworkers sick too! Combine that with your sick voice and its no way your boss will suspect your faking.
“Work From Home”
Demonstrate just how committed you are to the job by insisting that, while you cant be in the office, you’ll be working at home. Call your boss and cough loudly, and they’ll quickly offer for you to not work.
Wrap It Up
This one is for the advanced. If your looking for a new way to call in sick, gauze is really cheap, and you get to make up a goofy story about how you broke your hand and why its wrapped up.
The time you call or write in sick is extremely important. Not so early that it seems like you planned it, but not so late that your boss thinks you’re just hungover. This is a new method; purposely come in late and exaggerate how you overslept because you were up all night coughing. As soon as your boss sees you, he or she will send you home.
Blame Your Health Plan
Because everyone’s health plan suck.
After all else has failed and you think that your boss is onto your game, send them a picture of whatever it is you can cough up. And if you’re not actually sick and cant vomit on command, well…start drinking and you will solve all your problems.